There’s a thread you follow. It goes among
things that change. But it doesn’t change.
People wonder about what you are pursuing.
You have to explain about the thread.
But it is hard for others to see.
While you hold it you can’t get lost.
Tragedies happen; people get hurt
or die; and you suffer and get old.
Nothing you do can stop time’s unfolding.
You don’t ever let go of the thread.
–“The Way It Is” – William Stafford
What follows here was originally going to be a simple little LinkedIn blip. Then it started growing, and I thought maybe it should expand into an article.
And it kept growing.
And I realized I had a blog post that was writing itself, although it’s not the usual stuff behind the stuff. Or, maybe it’s more stuff-like than ever before.
I recently attended the Haden Institute Summer Dream and Spirituality conference in North Carolina. It’s one of the most stimulating and welcoming environments I’ve ever had the privilege to learn in. It’s not easy to describe what I encounter there or learn there (or dream there) to others, but it is intrinsic to who I am, walking around in the world. In Muir’s words, it is where I go to “lose my mind and find my soul.” Sometimes, it’s not even easy to describe to myself, so here I am again, in part, writing what I need to read. Thanks for the indulgence.
One of the keynote speakers, Jungian analyst, author, and lecturer Fanny Brewster, told us we are “required to share what we have learned.” Not encouraged, mind you, but required. She said we can refuse the call of the Hero’s journey, but we ultimately have to return to the place of discomfort and engage.
Not that I’m a hero, but ok. Discomfort and I go way back. Here goes.
My first thought was to share with you a series of quotes and tidbits that stood out to me throughout the weekend. Some of the best are questions, like:
“What desires to enter the world through me?”
Nothing like a little existential brain teaser to get the self-doubt juices flowing right off the bat.
Others are seemingly simple statements:
- “While I am not you, neither am I other than you.”
- “Our individual stories matter, but they are too small for the size of our souls.“
- “Problems will be solved by a change of heart, not by strategizing.“ (ooh, that’s a toughie for some of my peeps)
And then, the poem that one keynote speaker read – the one I’ve put at the top of this post – was something my spiritual director (another keynoter) shared with me a few months back. When things repeat, I pay attention. So, let’s explore.
Sometimes when I try to describe my “thread,“ people get all kinds of uncomfortable. They shut down, and give me a little subliminal talk-to-the-hand sort of reply. “Spirituality?? Nah, I’m good. I’m not really into religion.“ Or conversely, I get a sideways glance indicating perhaps I’ve wandered away from my roots and gone a little “woo.”
Either response misses the point, as I’ve written before. Willfully so, I suspect. While dogma and certainty are more comfortable and easier to live with on the face of it, they don’t really lead anywhere. Surely we’re starting to learn that truth in this current state of the world? Until more of us begin to do our inner work (as Carl Jung hoped), however we might language or define that work, we will be stuck. And the more we do our inner work, the more we start to realize we know almost nothing about our Selves. How…uncomfortable.
This thread I follow might not seem connected to the work I do, or am about to do. But clients come to me because they have stuck spots. Students come to learn about coaching because their clients have stuck spots (and they, of course, discover they have them too). And we all learn together that coaching to who we are is so much fuller and trickier than coaching to what we’re hoping to accomplish. We hit those unknown parts. It’s dark, and a little scary – and scary and I go way back, too.
What is: quantifiable, black or white, acceptable, proper, right or wrong, do or do not, and usually, fleeting. There’s not much to question there; no big risks to take. It’s fine as far as it goes, but also, it’s brittle. One little pull on a life-changing Jenga block and the “perfect“ routine or solution is not so perfect anymore.
Who is: messy, mysterious, fractured, patched-up, brilliant, confused, wise, shades of gray (and aubergine and chartreuse), lonely, and paradoxically constant. It’s other things, too, like pliable. That’s why we can never run out of questions and fully settle on perfect answers. But when we can speak aloud all that messy and mysterious stuff we’re discovering, in a safe setting, we can start to make sense of a few things. Who is a very cool thread to follow.
There’s more to say, but I think we have enough for now. I’ll close with an intermediate takeaway – a quote from the last session of the conference:
“The call is not to be someone, but to be who you already are…if we remember we come from wholeness, we cannot get lost.”
– Sheila Petruccelli
Hold on tight, my friends.
There are so many places we can go with the thought of threads!
I see how often I move with people down their threads, including with clients. We start with one project and that can move into other places in their lives, all of which are interconnected.
I laughed at your line about strategizing vs. a change of heart. Both are important to me, but I see the point that a new strategy with the same heart/mindset probably won’t be very effective.
I like how you worded that, Seana: new strategy + old heart/mindset = ineffective. Although sometimes, I think a new mindset has to be tried on like a new pair of shoes, and broken in a little. Then maybe the heart can follow. Thanks so much for the comment!
It’s fascinating how certain concepts keep showing up for us and I love that you shared your experience this way.
By the way, I’ve also heard that knowledge is useless unless we give it away.
Thanks, Janet. This knowledge is fun (and a little disconcerting) to share.
Being stuck is hard. But as we face the stuckness, we are able to handle it. That is because each experience layers on top of a previous learning. We evolve as we mature even if we don’t know it until we look.
Yes, I think it’s important to look. To recognize where we’ve been and where we’re going, and that it’s all part of the whole. Thanks for stopping by, Sabrina!
Oh my gosh, this was just so many little truth bombs in a truth bomb package. And wow, does it apply to so much of the work I do with my clients. The productivity (and the organizing) gets stuck because the clients get stuck, and it can take both of us (and appointments with doctors, therapists, and a whole host of others) to help the stuck threads come loose.
For my own self, I’m great at SEEING where I am stuck and knowing why, and still can feel that paralysis, so I try to use that with my clients. “While I am not you, neither am I other than you,” indeed!
For what it’s worth, I don’t see any of this as spiritual or woo, but maybe that’s because I don’t think of myself (or you) that way. I see this as psychological, because I see humanity as lots of minds in beside-the-point bodies. Everything we are and think and have and believe is all in the psyches, but our psyches are like icebergs with only the tippy-top visible and the rest of the icy tendrils (ooh, threads) are woven down below into one big psyche tapestry!
The Haden Institute Summer Dream and Spirituality conference sounds fantastic. I can only imagine what it’s like to be in a place with like-minded people willing to journey to a deep place and in pursuit of the “Who.”
When I read your “Who” description, it reminded me of getting to know my clients. They need time and trust to share the deeper parts of what’s going on. It’s much like working on a puzzle. You can see where you are and sometimes where you’re going. However, how you’ll get there and what influences drive the process are only revealed over time. I find that mysterious, stimulating, and exciting.
And so it’s the same for me. Here I am now. Yet, the drivers and threads that got me to this point and moved me forward are from deep within. There are always opportunities to understand more fully and then adjust either thoughts or actions based on that learning.
I love your parting quote, “The call is not to be someone, but to be who you already are…if we remember we come from wholeness, we cannot get lost.” Living from a place of wholeness, seeing others from that place, is a worthwhile pursuit.