I’m in my office, staring down quite a lot of work – scheduling, new client onboarding, a book reflection I need to finish, and this blog post. I also have those pesky, personal sorts of things to deal with – groceries, confirming an appointment, and figuring out whether or not I need to pick one of my kids up for fall break. There’s more too, but you get the gist.
I’m aware that I need to plan and be pretty productive to complete everything, so in my interior world, I started thinking through the day last night, while in my exterior world, I, well…ok, yeah, I made a list. I also repeated everything I was going to focus on out loud this morning.
It’s the weekend. I don’t know if I’ll finish everything. I might, or I might get interrupted, and I can accept that. My office is a comfy place to do all these things (except the groceries, of course – I’ve already checked those off). But why am I willing, ready, and able to move through all of this stuff? Is it because I’m so driven, or a clock-watcher, or “neurotypical,” or…something else?
Many people I work with make an extensive list for the day, then get discouraged and hesitate to begin – because why begin if you’re not likely to finish? Or they make the Big List and then stall out on where to start. Do you start with the thing that’s almost (or is) late, or the easiest thing, or the quickest thing, or the most challenging thing, or the obligatory thing, or…?
Sometimes I start with any thing, because starting somewhere is preferable to starting nowhere. But this morning, I headed out for groceries super-early because shopping in a crowd absolutely drives me bonkers. I often challenge myself to be the first person through the door when they open. How would Future Me feel if I went out later today, when the mad rush was on? I can assure you very, very irritated – not even the cutest of toddlers pushing one of those little shopping carts would pull me out of my crabbiness in a lengthy check-out line.
Not my jam.
So sometimes, starting means avoiding something unpleasant.
But also, I think we get so focused on our tasks and lists that we forget to consider the deeper meaning of the tasks and lists. “I have to get all the things done!!” we valiantly cry, as opposed to considering, “I have to get the things done because ________.” Or even “I get to get the things done because ________.”
Hmm. Maybe that’s a little mantra to try on: “I get to ________, because I ________.”
I get to do my client scheduling/onboarding, because I’m fortunate to have awesome, brilliant clients, and it means something to me to have their confirmations and reminders ready to go. I hope it gives them something to rely upon and feel some comfort with their schedule. I started with this task today, with them in mind.
I get to write a book reflection, because I’m able to pursue a spiritual direction program that’s incredibly meaningful to me. Reading and reflecting on the book is a part of that program, and it gives me more insight (and frankly, I think it makes me a better coach, whether or not spirituality ever enters the situation).
I get to confirm a doctor’s appointment, because staying on top of my health is a foundational need. I’m also lucky to have a great doctor, and I know my confirmation makes her life easier. I like to think about making other people’s lives easier.
And, I got to write a blog post when I initially had no clue what to write, because I know I always enjoy the process of playing with the words and phrases. It’s also part of my business plan to get the posts out. Tasks are allowed to be fun and useful.
Why do the things on your list matter to you? What would it be like if you took a moment or two to consider the connection to what’s important, what aligns with your values, or what makes a difference for you?
Note: I know that a case can be made for too many meaningful tasks – that’s another post. Stay tuned.
Your posts always make me smile, Sara. You have a wonderful way with words. I am a list maker. I like crossing things off. I always have a ton of things to do. Making my lists helps me determine what is important to do today and what can be shifted to another day – if need be. I tend to break my lists into categories according to the different things I’m working on. For instance, I have a few things to do for the business I share with Jonda, a few things to do for clients .. you get the idea. I feel successful and empowered when I am moving towards my goals. Plus, doing these things makes me happy. And I am a happy person.
Yes, feeling successful and empowered is always something to bear in mind, even when it can be hard to sense that on the front end of a task. Thanks for stopping by, Diane!
I love that you are talking about the connection between whys and doing. We all have whys in our life. Why we do something is key to keeping us committed and hopefully motivating us when there are issues.
So important to keep the why in mind – thanks for commenting, Sabrina!
I am a list maker. On Sunday I make my list for the week. I print it off and set it by my computer. Then I open my calendar and schedule items off my list. Some are non-negotiable others are flexible.
My lists keep thoughts from continually squirreling through my head. If something comes up that is not on my list, I add it.
I usually schedule more than I can do but if I get the 3 most important tasks done, I am happy.
I love this mindset – focus on the positive aspect of what is on our plate. You and I are both THINKING about how we THINK about things this week. 🙂
I have to say I was caught by your 4th paragraph about the giant list. I sat here and pondered that for a moment. I think I (perhaps subconsciously) try to make an achievable list for each day. If I find I’m adding more than I think I can done, I stop. I start flipping ahead and adding tasks to other days. I like a list I can complete too, so I guess I’m careful about the list I’m making for myself.
Thought provoking!
Thanks for the comment, Seana – many of my clients create a list of everything that comes to mind, so I help them distinguish between a daily list of action items and what I call a “brain dump” (i.e., Big List). My list this weekend was a wee bit longer than usual, but I knew that on the front end and told myself it was ok to fall short (and, I did).
Such a great post!! I am a list maker, mainly because I just have to get it all out of my head. I do get overwhelmed by the list, but enjoy crossing things off. Getting started truly is the hardest part.
Your posts are always insightful and full of humor. I love how you explained your concept by using your life and concrete examples.
What stood out to me were a few things. First the idea that instead of the mindset of “have to do,” we reframe to “we GET to do.” What a difference that makes. And when you add the second part of the sentence… “we get to do BECAUSE….” it brings our actions to another level, tying them to our values. Value-driven actions.
The other idea was about how we work our lists. I use an electronic list that allows me to color code and prioritize tasks. It also makes it easy for me to move tasks to a specific day or add repeating tasks. I review my list and schedule the evening before, multiple times throughout the day, and at the end of the day. My goal is for an empty list by the day’s end. If there are some items I wasn’t able to get to, those are moved forward to do another day. That way I can end my day without any to-dos lingering. And I let go of the fact that I did all that I could that given day.
I love the idea of changing “I have to” to “I get to” but often don’t feel thankful for the things I am doing. (Gratitude, gotta work on gratitude.) But I do find that if I change the items on the list to “I choose to” then it forced me to make the big decisions, to either accept that nobody is forcing me to do any of this and I need to stop being a baby, or I need to decide not to do it and recognize that either way, I’m in control. The “because” of all of it reminds me that it’s a philosophical tradeoff.
But is there any crowded shopping day that won’t be improved by tiny humans with miniature shopping carts? 😉