I’ve been thinking about language lately – a weird little hobby of mine. Spiritual direction training, dreamwork, and coach training all taught me to pay attention to how words are tossed about or turned in phrases. The unconscious frequently spits out what we actually mean before we realize we mean it. But my fascination was there long before – I’ve always been able to totally geek out with a dictionary or thesaurus.
Take the word force, for example. So many directions you can take with it. It can be a noun (like a labor force) or a verb (like force to admit). It can conjure connections to physics or visions of violence. Poetic (”She’s a force of nature!”) or legalistic (”force majeure”). And, of course, no proper discussion of it would be complete without “May the Force be with you.”
Its origins are either from the Latin, fortis or the Old Norse, fors, meaning “strong” or “powerful.” Ultimately, it comes from the Proto-Indo-European *bʰerǵʰ- (“to rise, high, hill”). See how much fun this is, y’all?
OK, I’ll hush and get to my point.
The way I hear it used most often these days is in that white-knuckle, frustration-induced way, “I just have to force myself to do it!” aligning with yet another definition:
“to make something happen or make someone do something difficult, unpleasant, or unusual, especially by threatening or not offering the possibility of choice.”
Which begs the question, why would anyone want to do that to themselves?
Weirdly, while we would likely criticize (even find abhorrent) someone forcing someone else to do a thing, culturally, we seem to celebrate it in the individual:
- “Look at Fergus go; he’s forced himself to get to the gym every day this week – what willpower!” or
- “I’m forcing myself to get to bed by ten every night.” (implied desired response, ”You go, girl!”)
The trouble is, force of any stripe has limitations (rumor has it even Yoda lost his connection to it).
Aside: I fell down a curious combination of a Reddit rabbit hole and a conversation with my son* about how all the Jedi disconnected from their spirituality and, in turn, weakened their ability to deploy the Force. It’s theory, and a little fan conjecture, but I don’t think it’s a stretch to consider that when we lose touch with the Bigger Meaning of our actions (however that loss may occur), we decrease the ability to deploy our strengths in the ways we wish. It’s all archetypal, a reason the whole Star Wars canon resonates with so many people.
Difficult, consistency is.
But back to our story – forcing a habit or task only gets one so far. It’s not sustainable. And if we go back to the earlier definition, there is, in fact, a possibility of choice with things we want to accomplish. Do or do not, and all that jazz.
People come to me because they’re choosing the latter more than they would like, and we’re back to our old decision-making conundrum. Maybe what’s not being said is, “I don’t trust myself to decide to do this thing and follow through, so please force me. Hold my feet to the fire.” Let’s dress it up and call it accountability.
But is there any other way to consider getting the seemingly out-of-reach habits and consistency in place? I think there are many, but since I’m sticking with this particular word, let’s return to that old Latin stuff: “strong.” Being strong implies strength. What are your strengths? Even older – “to rise.” I wonder if we considered force in the sense of rising up, looking from a higher perspective, and using our strengths, we might be able to approach what we want with a different context?
It might play out like this – say you want to establish a daily meditation habit, but every morning, you (consciously or unconsciously) think, “Ugh, I have to get out of bed and sit still!” So of course, you hit snooze. Once or twice, you do manage to drag yourself out and sit with your app for a few minutes, but overall results are disappointing. You decide to use more force and willpower, put the alarm clock across the room, and tell your spouse to harass you if you don’t move. These tactics result in one or two more tries, but the situation feels irritating and defeating. The more you focus on force, the less willing you are to make a move.
Why do you even want to meditate? Because someone (Oprah? the world? ) told you you should? Or because you suspect it might help your stress levels, your ability to pause, and give you greater access to present-moment awareness? Or maybe even because you’d like to be less stressed and more present for your kids? Or maybe, maybe…because you once kept a habit of it before (pre-kids, pre-mortgage, pre-Guinea Pigs) and you know how it felt. It was good – you’d sort of forgotten how good.
You also know you have a strength of perseverance – it shows up all the time when you’re playing corn hole, or doing research for things like blog posts. It’s within you, and now it has the potential to be channeled towards a different sort of force. You return to some old handouts you got at a mindfulness workshop, and you remember some things. Pulling all of this stuff together, the next time the alarm goes off it’s a little easier. You can get up less reluctantly and appreciate your follow-through without the added guilt.
Easier written than done, I acknowledge. My meanderings here may be an oversimplified version of the old Dale Carnegie “If you want to gather honey, don’t kick over the beehive,” idea. But wouldn’t it be worth exploring some different shades of meaning with whatever you’re hoping to do? What if you could turn brute force into an encouraging** force for good?
May your Strengths be with you.
*Special thanks to Wyatt Skillen and his expert knowledge of things like midichlorians, the Jedi genocide, and Order 66.
**Another cool word – “en-courage” – to hearten, make strong, to give courage (which comes from the French, “corage” or Latin, “cor,” meaning heart).
I’m very interested in words and word origins, so I found this fascinating. You offer good advice!
Thanks, Janet – the way we discern all the different ways to use language is fascinating to me as well (obviously!). Glad you liked the post.
Great post! Reminds me of the inspiration for a Paul McCartney lyric…his mother, Mary, and her words of wisdom: “let it be.” If we can be kind to ourselves, we can let our strengths unfold, unfettered. Good words! Thanks for your wisdom, Sara and Wyatt!
And yet another great word here – “unfettered.” Unrestrained. Uninhibited. So much more fun to work with. I’m also recalling that Mary whispered her words of wisdom, didn’t she? Thanks for your comment, Terry!
As another language geek I really appreciate the way you took the words apart and showed their other meanings.
Thanks, Diane. We may have to sit down together at the ICD conference with our thesauruses (thesauri??) and have a little party.
I really resonate with the way you show that we don’t culturally support the idea of forcing another person to do something, but we celebrate it when we apply it to ourselves. That is so true, and also so irrational. We are so hard on ourselves!!
As you point out, this really doesn’t work well in the long run. Focusing on the “choice” aspect of taking action can be so much more empowering. We choose to do this or that because we believe it has value and benefits. We can focus on those benefits when we are feeling resistance to following through on our goal.
It isn’t easy, but it is worth it.
I also agree completely on losing connection with your purpose and spiritual self. I know for me, I believe that I am being enabled to perform by a God who loves me and is guiding me. If I didn’t believe that, it would be harder for me to take any action at all.
Being hard on ourselves seems to be a national pastime, and I wonder when we’ll collectively start to shake it off. Hopefully it won’t take an intergalactic war to do so. And yes, connecting within makes a difference for me as well, when I am tempted shy away from things. Thanks for stopping by, Seana.
En-courage! I’d never thought about its French meaning before! I liked the rest of the post as well, but….en-courage! (Said, of course, in a French accent.)
Oui, oui! 😉
I love how you featured a single word and gave us a deep dive into how it can be interpreted. But more than that, you offered us a more gentle path forward. Channel your strengths to allow the inner energy (or force) to emerge. I like your idea of using “force” or “a force” as an entity for positive change.
I’m with you 100% that forcing anyone or anything doesn’t yield positive outcomes. I often think of the phrase, “You can’t push a wet noodle.” And so it is with ourselves and others. Forcing breeds resentment, resistance, and digging-in behaviors.
Your parting message is beautiful, “May your Strengths be with you.” Yes! When we tap into those, so many things become possible.
I have never heard the “wet noodle” phrase – that’s funny (and apt)! Thanks for stopping by, Linda – you are quite the positive force yourself!
Fascinating, Sara. I totally agree with your remarks, “It’s theory and a little fan conjecture, but I don’t think it’s a stretch to consider that when we lose touch with the Bigger Meaning of our actions (however that loss may occur), we decrease the ability to deploy our strengths in the ways we wish.” We can force ourselves to do things, but if we don’t know why we need to, we can easily create excuses and give up.
And it’s so easy to lose sight of why we are doing something, when we get down into the weeds of details. This is where a coach can be helpful, to support someone in getting back in touch with their Bigger Meaning and their strengths – but there are other ways to do it, too (journaling, brainstorming with a friend or colleague come to mind).
I’m not much of an expert (or any expert at all) on Star Wars, but I can tell you that I’ve never once really accomplished anything that I “forced” myself to do. Either I want to do it and I make it convenient enough to accomplish, or I just don’t want to do it enough, and no force in the world will get me to do it except on a one-off occasion. I’ll get up early to make a flight, but only because no other flight was available for less than an arm and a leg. This coming Friday, I’ll get up at 4 a.m. to take a family member to surgery in the wee hours. But on a daily basis, I’d rather do all the work I’d have to do tomorrow from 8a to Noon in the slot from midnight to 4a.
I think you’re on to something with strength, but really in the zone with rising up. I channel my strengths to uplift myself in ways that are congruent with what I most want; it’s how I hit 10,000+ steps (or usually, closer to 11K) daily, and how I have almost a 2100-day streak in practicing Italian. When I’m rising to meet my highest desires, no force can stop me; when I’m trying to make myself do something I truly don’t want, or even just don’t care about, no force can stir me.
And I’m really glad you used your philosophy and etymology to recognize that we apply the worst thinking about force — the thinking we reject when applying it to others — toward ourselves, and even celebrate it. I much prefer embracing, encouraging, and supporting; that kind of language reflects who I want to be, and what I want for myself. Thank you for alway uplifting us (there’s another good word)!
I really admire your streaks, Julie (and I want to hear some Italian the next time we meet!). It sounds like you’ve really tapped into something powerful by rising up – thank you for sharing your thoughts here, as always.